Everything is Relative

Back in 1962, I remember reading this story, which first appeared in Amazing Adult Fantasy No. 9:

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(Journey Into Mystery reprinted the story in April of 1974)

Tim

Even at the tender age of 11, I remember chuckling at the campiness of the story, but the resolution left an impression on my mind, because I never forgot it. The surprising conclusion to the story can be read in a 2MB PDF file here.)

Years later, I read a short story in one of my dad’s many vintage science fiction anthologies which I ultimately inherited; the story, by Martin Gardner, was entitled simply “Thang.” Written in 1949, it may have been the inspiration for Tim Boo Ba:

HE Earth had completed another turn about the sun, whirling slowly and silently as it always whirled. The East had experi- enced a record breaking crop of yellow rice and yellow chil- dren, larger stockpiles of weapons were accumulating in certain strategic centers, and the sages of the University of Chicago were uttering words of profound wisdom, when Thang reached down and picked up the Earth between his thumb and finger. Thang had been sleeping. When he finally awoke and blinked his six opulent eyes at the blinding light (for the light of our stars when viewed in their totality is no thing of dimness) he had become uncomfortably aware of an empty feeling near the pit of his stomach. How long he had been sleeping even he did not know exactly, for in the mind of Thang time is a term of no significance. Although the ways of Thang are beyond the ways of men, and the thoughts of Thang are scarcely conceivable by our thoughts; still——stating the matter roughly and in the language we know——the ways of Thang are this: When Thang is not asleep, Thang hungers. After blinking his opulent eyes (in a specific consecutive order which had long been his habit) and stretching forth a long arm to sweep aside the closer suns, Thang squinted into the deep. The riper planets were near the center and usually could be recognized by surface texture; but frequently Thang had to thump them with his middle finger. It was some time until he found a piece that suited him. He picked it up with his right hand and shook off most of the adhering salty moisture. Other fingers scaled away thin flakes of bluish ice that had caked on opposite sides. Finally, he dried the ball completely by rubbing it on his chest. He bit into it. It was soft and juicy, neither unpleasantly hot nor freezing to the tongue; and Thang, who always ate the entire planet, core and all, lay back contentedly, chewing slowly and permitting his thoughts to dwell idly on trivial matters, when suddenly he felt himself picked up by the back of the neck. He was jerked upward and backward by an arm of tremendous bulk (an arm covered with greyish hair and exuding a foul smell). Then he was lowered even more rapidly. He looked down in time to see an enormous mouth——red and gaping and watering around the edges——then the blackness closed over him with a slurp like a clap of thunder. For there are other gods than Thang.

So it goes in our day, and so it has always been. To quote from a book of scripture held dear by members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (often called the Mormons),

“We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion.”  (Doctrine and Covenants 121:39)

Regardless of your particular spiritual walk, this statement has been true for as long as I have been able to observe humanity. Give a man or woman a little power (as they suppose,) and they will promptly begin to act like a feudal lord, safely ensconced in their own little fiefdom. Politicians do it. Bureaucrats do it. Bosses do it. Department managers do it. Teachers do it. School administrators do it. It’s everywhere. One autocratic gatekeeper can keep countless people from access to jobs, goods, services, assistance, visas, passports, approvals, authorizations, or whatever they happen to need. “That’s not how we run things here.” “We do things differently.” “I see no need to change.” “I don’t think so.”

We hear it every day, and in many places, it’s harder to remove a deeply-entrenched functionary or manager or director or senator or president than it is to remove inertia from matter.[1] Yet it boggles the mind – how quickly people lose sight of the fact that they and their organization are really just a small part of a larger whole – the sum total of humanity.

In the 16th Century, John Donne penned the famous lines,

No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thine own
Or of thine friend’s were.
Each man’s death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee.

Donne understood that we are all interconnected, and that the success of one is the success of another; the failure of one affects all of humanity.

Centuries later, Martin Luther King wrote a clear and poignant summary in prose:

“We must all learn to live together as brothers or we will all perish together as fools. We are tied together in the single garment of destiny, caught in an inescapable network of mutuality. And whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly. For some strange reason I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. This is the way God’s universe is made; this is the way it is structured.”

As Benjamin Franklin stated, “We must all hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately.”

If we do not wish to perish as fools, as King said, we must return to principles of decency and the common good. As one small voice crying in the darkness,

  • I call for businesses to return to principles of ethical behavior and look past the corporate bottom line to the greater good.
  • I call upon politicians to look beyond their war chests and the next election to doing the job they were elected to do: raising the human condition.
  • I call upon school systems, and boards and administrators to look beyond zero tolerance (which means zero common sense) and standardized test scores and once again begin caring about the welfare of their students more than the idiotic policies written at the behest of paranoid attorneys and clueless legislators.
  • I call upon labor unions to return to their original purpose of guaranteeing fair wages and safe working conditions, instead of squeezing every last drop of blood out of an employer until businesses and factories shutter their doors.
  • As redwood trees support one another in the forest by intertwining their roots, I call upon humanity everywhere to stand with one another, instead of against one another.

My voice is small “amid the noise and haste,” but I raise it anyway. We must get away from Me and Mine, and move back to We and Ours. Do this, and we as a species may yet reach the stars. Do it not, and our civilization is headed for implosion under the weight of social inequity, and then (as John Howard Griffin wrote), “we will all pay for not having cried for justice long ago.”

The Old Wolf has spoken.


[1] Thus far, only E.E. (“Doc”) Smith has managed that trick.

Seen in the rubble in Moore, OK.

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It’s true. No one can appreciate this more than those who have lost things, or those who have lost people. Many individuals lost their lives in Oklahoma today, and many families are grieving. Words like this are scant comfort for them, and only time will – hopefully – transform the bitterness of loss into the sweetness of memory.

Far more people kept their lives but lost everything they had, and their hardships are none the less – but I am sure there is much gratitude being felt by those who survived the ordeal, realizing that things can be replaced and that, in the end, nothing truly belongs to us. We can only preside over our goods for a short time, and then they pass into the hands of others.

My thoughts and prayers are with the good people of Oklahoma and other areas affected by these devastating storms. I have done what I could, and wish only that it could be more. If you want to help, one good place is the United Way of Oklahoma.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

Delightful behind-the-scenes shots.

Frankenstein (1931)

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Boris Karloff takes tea.

The Princess Bride (1987)

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Now remember, this is for posterity…

The Phantom Menace (1999)

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Darth Maul practices his macho moves.

The Matrix Revolutions (2003)

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Hugo Weaving is beside himself. (Sorry, wrong movie)

The Revenge of the Sith (2005)

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Hayden Christensen as a crispy critter. Notice the blue-screen mask for his stump.

Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)

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Harrison Ford, prior to getting nuked in the fridge.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2 (2011)

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Ralph Fiennes with CG markings for his snake-nose and other features.

Like these? Click through for 93 more!

Oh, and one bonus:

Man with a Cloak (1951)

Light Test

 

A lighting technician checks exposure on Barbara Stanwyck and Joe DeSantis.

The Old Wolf has spoken.

WordPress Junk Followers: And the Beat Goes On

Despite the fact that WordPress admins know about the phenomenon of junk followers, they continue to pile up. I now have almost 500 followers of my blog, but from what I’ve been able to determine from poking around, only about 200 of these are real live people who are interested in what I have to say.

The remainder are bot-generated follows, each of which is attached to some spam website or other.

WordPress provides an option for reporting spammed content, which I do every time one of these shows up; an example is user “masoomzaidi” who attached his name to “http://bulkemailcompany.wordpress.com“. You’ll notice that the referenced blog has already been terminated for terms of service violations.

Many of the blogs which have been so spammed have also been terminated, but I really, really hope that WordPress can figure out a comprehensive solution to this; thus far, there is no way to remove unwanted followers or clear out deadwood.

As for people who do this – please know that I hold you in the lowest regard. Behaviour of this nature is on the same level as spam comments in other people’s blogs, and shows that you have the morals and ethics of a honey badger. Obviously your mothers didn’t teach you anything about honesty and decency – or if they did, they would weep bitter tears of shame to know that you are stooping to such ignorant and repugnant strategies to monetize your product or service. Now: put on a dunce cap and go sit in the corner for the rest of the day. Like this:

The Old Wolf has spoken.

The Lads from Lagos, again

A recent study has concluded that Nigerian fraud letters are intentionally unbelievable, so as to weed out any but the most stupid of possible victims. That may be so in some cases, but I happen to think that most of these electronic missives are just drafted by really, really, stupid people in the first place.  Here’s a recent example:

Subject: WARNING FROM THE FBI OFFICE

From: Robert Mullerll <robertsmullerlllll@aol.com>

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ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONITORY CRIMES DIVISION
FBI HEADQUARTERS IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
J.EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING 935
PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON
D.C. 20535-0001
TEL 202-324-3447
Attn:Sir.Madam

This Is An Official Advice From The FBI, Foreign Remittance/Telegraphic Dept.(FRED), It Has Come To Our Notice That some Nigerians who is claiming to be HOME LAND SECURITY are calling you again regards to this transaction which Federal Government Has been Approved to pay you through United Nations office.You are hereby advice to contact them on this email address: info_unitednations56@yahoo.esBe careful with whoever is calling you or sending you emails regards to this fund we have never instructed any HOME LAND SECURITY to contact you is our duty to tell you if the person you are dealing with is the rightful person or not.

We will send a copy of this to U.S.State Secretary John Kerry ,the president of Nigeria and United Nations office in Nigeria to take note of this,

 

We Advice You Contact Us Immediately, and also contact the person Mr Godwin Ugo who will direct you and advice you on what to do.

Your’s sincerely
Robert S. Mueller, III
FBI Director


The errors and inconsistencies in this email are too many to count, and too grievous to be deliberately contrived. It was written by a moron who thinks he’s being clever enough to fool ignorant people who deserve to be scammed.
Be careful out there.
The Old Wolf has spoken.

Areopagus finally makes sense.

Acts 17: 19-21

And they took him, and brought him unto Areopagus, saying, May we know what this new doctrine, whereof thou speakest, is? For thou bringest certain strange things to our ears: we would know therefore what these things mean. (For all the Athenians and strangers which were there spent their time in nothing else, but either to tell, or to hear some new thing.)

Areopagus

 

Areopagus (Mars Hill) at the foot of the Acropolis

Manhattan Skyline, 1902

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My city, seven years before my father was born there, two years after my grandparents immigrated from Italy (separately).

Events of 1902:

Jan 1st – 1st Rose Bowl game (Pasadena, California) (U of Mich-49, Sanford-0)
Jan 1st – Nathan Stubblefield makes 1st public demonstration of radio, Penn
Jan 3rd – Reg Duff 104 on Test debut, v England at MCG
Jan 4th – Hugh Trumble takes a hat-trick v England at the MCG
Jan 8th – 1st National Bowling Championship held (Chicago, Ill)
Jan 10th – Alphons Diepenbrock’s “Te Deum” premieres (Amsterdam)
Jan 13th – Textile workers strike in Enschede Neth till June 1
Jan 23rd – Winnipeg Victorias sweep Toronto Wellingtons in 2 for Stanley Cup
Jan 25th – Aleksandr Skriabin’s 2nd Symphony in C premieres in St Petersburg
Jan 27th – 5 workers killed on explosion during IRT subway construction (NYC)
Jan 28th – Carnegie Institute founded in Wash DC
Feb 1st – China’s empress Tzu-hsi forbids binding woman’s feet
Feb 1st – Hermann Sudermanns “Es lebe das Leben,” premieres in Berlin
Feb 6th – Young Women’s Hebrew Association organizes in NYC
Feb 11th – Police beats up universal suffrage demonstrators in Brussels
Feb 15th – Underground railway (U-Bahn)
Feb 18th – Opera “Hunchback of Notre Dame,” premieres in Monte Carlo
Feb 20th – Heavy surf breaks over Seal Rocks & damages Sutro Baths, SF
Feb 21st – Dr Harvey Cushing, 1st US brain surgeon, does his 1st brain operation
Feb 24th – Battle at Yzer Spruit: Boer general De la Rey beats British
Feb 28th – Jules Massenets opera premieres in Monte Carlo
Mar 2nd – Jimmy Collins, leaves Boston Beaneaters (NL) club to manage AL’s new Boston Somersets
Mar 4th – American Automobile Association (AAA) founded in Chicago
Mar 6th – Census Bureau forms
Mar 7th – Boers beat British troop in Tweebosch Transvaal
Mar 8th – 1st performance of Jean Sibelius’ 2nd Symphony
Mar 10th – Earthquake destroys Turkish city of Tochangri
Mar 10th – A United States court of appeals rules that Thomas Edison did not invent the movie camera.
Mar 17th – Stanley Cup: Montreal AAA beat Winnipeg Victorias, 2 games to 1
Mar 18th – Enrico Caruso becomes 1st well-known performer to make a record
Mar 18th – Schoenberg’s “Verklärte Nacht,” premieres in Vienna
Mar 25th – Irving W Colburn patents sheet glass drawing machine
Mar 28th – 27.9 cm precipitation at McMinnville, Tennessee (state record)
Apr 2nd – 1st motion picture theater opens (LA)
Apr 2nd – Soccer team MVV ’02 forms in Maastricht
Apr 2nd – Dmitry Sipyagin, Minister of Interior of the Russian Empire, is assassinated by a terrorist in the Marie Palace, St Petersburg.
Apr 2nd – “Electric Theatre”, the first full-time movie theater in the United States, opens in Los Angeles, California.
Apr 4th – Cecil Rhodes scholarship fund forms with $10 million
Apr 5th – Maurice Ravel’s “Pavane pour une infante defunte,” premieres in Paris
Apr 5th – In Glasgow, Scotland the Ibrox disaster occurs after a section of a grandstand collapses killing 25 and injuring 517
Apr 7th – Texas Oil Company (Texaco) forms
Apr 11th – Battle at Rooiwal, South-Africa
Apr 13th – J C Penney opens his 1st store in Kemmerer, Wyo
Apr 14th – JC Penney opens his 1st store, in Kemmerer, Wyo
Apr 15th – Pope Leo XIII encyclical “On Church in US”
Apr 18th – Denmark is 1st country to adopt fingerprinting to identify criminals
Apr 19th – 6th Boston Marathon won by Sam Mellor of NY in 2:43:12
Apr 20th – Marie & Pierre Curie isolate the radioactive element radium chloride
Apr 25th – Erwin Harvey becomes 1st Cleveland ballplayer (Cleveland Bronchos) to have six hits in one game
Apr 28th – Using the ISO 8601 standard Year Zero definition for the Gregorian calendar preceded by the Julian calendar, the one billionth minute since the start of January 1, Year Zero occurs at 10:40 AM on this date.
Apr 30th – Debussy’s opera “Pelléas et Mélissande,” premieres in Paris
May 3rd – 28th Kentucky Derby: Jimmy Winkfield on Alan-a-Dale wins in 2:08.75
May 6th – British SS Camorta sinks off Rangoon; 739 die
May 6th – Start of Sherlock Holmes “Adventure of Shoscombe Old Place” (BG)
May 6th – Zulu assault at Holkrantz South-Africa
May 7th – Soufriere volcano on St Vincent kills 2-5,000
May 8th – Mt Pelee erupts, wipes out St Pierre, Martinique, kills 30,000
May 15th – Lyman Gilmore is 1st person to fly a powered craft
May 15th – Portugal bankrupt by revolt in Angola
May 16th – 2 deaf-mutes face each other for 1st time as Dummy Hoy leads off for the Reds against Dummy Taylor of the Giants, Reds win 5-3
May 17th – Greek archaeologist Valerios Stais discovers the Antikythera mechanism, an ancient mechanical analog computer.
May 19th – Great Britain & Boers resume peace talks in Pretoria
May 20th – Cuba gains independence from Spain
May 20th – US military occupation of Cuba (since Jan 1, 1899) ends
May 22nd – 36th Belmont: John Bullman aboard Mastermam wins in 2:22.6
May 24th – Empire Day 1st celebrated in Britain
May 24th – Cleve’s Bill Bradley is 1st ALer to hit a HR run in 4 consecutive games, not duplicated until Babe Ruth does it June 25, 1918
May 27th – 27th Preakness: L Jackson aboard Old England wins in 1:45.8
May 29th – Dutch State Mine law forms
May 31st – Australia Cricket all out 36 v England, Edgbaston, their lowest ever
May 31st – Boer War Ends; Treaty of Unity signed, Britain annexes Transvaal
Jun 1st – Blue-White United soccer team of Amsterdam forms
Jun 2nd – 2nd statewide initiative & referendum law adopted, in Oregon
Jun 9th – 1st Automat restaurant opens (818 Chestnut St, Phila)
Jun 10th – Patent for window envelope granted to H F Callahan
Jun 13th – Prussian Upper house gives 350 million marks to Poland
Jun 15th – Canada’s Maritime Provinces switch from Eastern to Atlantic time
Jun 15th – Minor League’s most lopsided baseball game: Corsicana 51; Texarkana 3 Justin Clark of Corsicana, Tx minors hits 8 home runs in 1 game
Jun 23rd – Gioacchino Rossini’s unveils monument to Santa-Croce
Jun 24th – King Edward VII develops appendicitis, delaying his coronation.
Jun 26th – Order of Merit instituted by King Edward VII
Jun 26th – Start of Sherlock Holmes “Adventure of 3 Garidebs” (BG)
Jun 28th – Congress authorizes Louisiana Purchase Expo $1 gold coin
Jun 28th – US buys concession to build Panama canal from French for $40 million
Jun 30th – Cleveland is 1st AL team to hit 3 consecutive HRs in same inning
Jul 1st – Ranji (230) & Newham (153) add 344 for 7th wkt, Sussex v Essex
Jul 1st – Start of Sherlock Holmes “Disappearance of Lady Frances Carfax” (BG)
Jul 2nd – John J McGraw becomes manager of NY Giants (stays for 30 years)
Jul 3rd – Excelsior soccer team forms in Rotterdam
Jul 5th – Australia won the one & only Test Cricket played at Sheffield
Jul 8th – John McGraw, accused by Ban Johnson of trying to wreck Baltimore & Washington clubs, negotiates his release from the Orioles
Jul 11th – British premier Lord Salisbury resigns
Jul 12th – Australian parliament agrees to female suffrage
Jul 14th – The Campanile in St Mark’s Square, Venice collapses, also demolishing the loggetta.
Jul 15th – Ranjitsinhji scores 180 before lunch, for Sussex v Surrey
Jul 16th – John McGraw named manager of NY Giants
Jul 16th – Test Cricket debut of K S Ranjitsinhji v Australia, at Old Trafford
Jul 17th – Orioles forfeit to St Louis having only 5 players available to play they then forfeit their franchise back to the AL
Jul 19th – NY Giants lose their 1st game under new manager John McGraw
Jul 24th – Trumper a century before lunch 4th Test Cricket v England
Jul 25th – James J Jeffries KOs Bob Fitzsimmons in 8 for heavyweight boxing title
Jul 26th – Australia beat England by 3 runs at Old Trafford
Jul 29th – Union of Orthodox Rabbis of US & Canada forms
Jul 30th – Anti-Jewish rioters attack funeral procession of Rabbi Joseph (NYC)
Aug 1st – Building begins on Dutch public housing
Aug 1st – Mine accident in Wollongong, Australia (100 die)
Aug 4th – The Greenwich foot tunnel under the River Thames opens.
Aug 8th – 2nd Davis Cup: USA beats British Isles in New York (3-2)
Aug 9th – Edward VII of England crowned after death of his mother Victoria
Aug 9th – Edward VII is crowned king of the United Kingdom.
Aug 13th – England beat Australia by one wicket at The Oval Famous victory
Aug 22nd – Pres Teddy Roosevelt became 1st US chief executive to ride in a car
Aug 31st – Split skirt 1st worn by Mrs Adolph Landeburg (horse rider)
Sep 1st – Tinker, Evers, & Chance appear together for 1st time
Sep 2nd – “A Trip To The Moon,” the 1st science fiction film released
Sep 3rd – Pittsburgh Pirates, win earliest pennent (full season)
Sep 3rd – Start of Sherlock Holmes “Adventure of Illustrious Client”
Sep 10th – Utrecht soccer team UVV forms
Sep 17th – US protests anti-semitism in Romania
Sep 20th – Chic White Sox Jim Callahan no-hits Detroit Tigers, 3-0
Sep 24th – Start of Sherlock Holmes “Adventure of Red Circle” (BG)
Sep 29th – Impresario David Belasco opens his 1st Broadway theater
Oct 10th – S Afr’s president Paul Kruger visits Utrecht
Oct 11th – 8th US Golf Open: Laurie Auchterlonie shoots a 307 at Garden City NY
Oct 11th – Commencement of 1st Test Cricket between South Africa & Australia
Oct 11th – Lawrence Auchterlonie wins US Open golf tournament
Oct 13th – Arna W Bontemps noted poet & librarian of Fisk University
Oct 21st – In the United States, a five month strike by United Mine Workers ends.
Oct 25th – Maksin Gorki’s “Na dne,” premieres in Moscow
Oct 25th – Santa Maria Guatemala hit by Earthquake; about 6,000 die
Nov 15th – Leopold II, King of Belgium almost assassinated by Italian anarchist
Nov 18th – Bkln toymaker Morris Michton names teddy bear after Teddy Roosevelt
Nov 20th – Geo Lefevre & Henri Desgrange create Tour de France bicycle race
Nov 21st – 1st night football game, Phila Athletics beats Kanaweola AC, 39-0
Nov 21st – Baseball’s Phila Athletics & Phillies form pro football teams, joining Pitts Stars in 1st attempt at a National Football League
Nov 25th – Franz Lehars opera “Wiener Fraueen,” premieres in Vienna
Nov 29th – Gerhart Hauptmanns “Der arnë Heinrich,” premieres in Vienna
Nov 30th – American Old West: Second-in-command of Butch Cassidy’s Wild Bunch gang, Kid Curry Logan, is sentenced to 20 years imprisonment with hard labor.
Dec 2nd – Soccer team Go Ahead forms in Deventer
Dec 8th – Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr became Associate Justice on Supreme Court
Dec 9th – AL announces purchase of grounds for a stadium in NY
Dec 10th – Women are given the right to vote in Tasmania.
Dec 17th – Frank Wedekind’s “Der Erdgeist,” premieres in Berlin
Dec 25th – Clyde Fitch’ “Girl with Green Eyes,” premieres in NYC
Dec 26th – Most knock downs in a fight, Oscar Nelson (5) & Christy Williams (42)
Dec 28th – 1st indoor pro football game, Syracuse beats Phila 6-0 (Madison Square Garden, NYC)
Dec 28th – Trans-Pacific cable links Hawaii to US
Dec 31st – Boers & British army sign peace treaty

The Old Wolf has spoken.